why?

why do i feel guilty about eating that calorie loaded, totally disastrous for my waistline, most evil creation of mankind, chocolate pastry after it has happily settled in my tummy?

why does the morning alarm for a walk ring in my head hours after 6am?

why do all weight conscious thoughts make sense only when the dress i'm dying to wear just doesn't zip up even when i almost about to die holding my breath?

N hated the way she looked and that had everything to do with the number of kgs she weighed. the needle on the weighing scale never made her happy.
how she wished she was a guy. fat, short, dark they always had some pretty girl vying for their attention. a belly meant prosperity, short height was well compensated by a high IQ and a good wit always worked wonders with the fairer sex.
little wonder then that her short, fat, dark boyfriend made her feel shorter, fatter and well not exactly darker ( though she did burn with anger every time he left her stranded at social gathering, while all the girls were cracking up on his 'oh so funny' sense of humor).

he was the chief editor of a travel magazine. he charmed the ladies with his travel escapades which he put forth so eloquently. how she longed for the times when it was just him and her, sitting on the lazy boy munching extra butter Act II popcorn. she could sit for hours and hours hearing him talk, and all the while mindlessly gobbling on some calorie rich, ready to eat snack. "don't count your calories, i love your curves", he would tell her and she blinded by love never bothered to check the mirror!

of course she realised much later that her curves had turned into a 6 lane expressway and that it made him speed past her at 100km/hr.

and then one day the alarm did ring, sharp at 6. she went for a walk. and she kept walking till every bone in her body ached. and then the alarm rang every day. the dresses fitted her effortlessly and the curves, well they were back. N finally had all the answers and that evil chocolate pastry seemed quite harmless now. after all it was just a tinnie tiny bite, how much damage could that do? so she picked it up and savoured the taste. just then she heard laughter roar from the corner of the room. she looked across and saw him surrounded by wide eyed women, ogling over some silly sky diving adventure trip in New Zealand.

"wait a minute", she thought. "i'm the one who walked my ass to get back the curves so why am i still sitting in the corner?" and then she looked at what was left on the plate where just a few minutes back a thick, rich chocolate cake was kept.
the button on her skirt went flying off and there was N, again asking the same old questions

why...